Who is Your Standard?

I'm thankful to God for many reasons & certainly one reason is Jesus. I'm thankful for the gospel, & to be honest, I'm becoming even more thankful as the gospel continues to reveal itself to me through the years. There is no end to the transformative power of what God has done for us; Jesus is the apex of life.

Jesus is not only the one who gives life, but He's also the example. When I think, "Who is the Standard," of being human? Who is the standard of how to treat others? Who is the standard on how to forgive? Who is the standard on how to live? Who is God's standard on what it means to be human; once again we look to Jesus.

Now many might think this an impossible task; "I can't be Jesus." Rightly so, but no one is asking any of us to BE Jesus because He's one of a kind; however, God presented Jesus as the standard not because it's impossible so we might always be presented with failure, but because it is doable, with His help of course. Now without a doubt we will all fall short of His standard, but it's not about arriving as much as it's about abiding. Abiding in Christ, daily, hourly, through the laughter & tears; this leads us to Christ-likeness, which when you read Paul is one of the main objects of the Spirit in our lives.

Is it easy, no; yet as I look around the landscape of those who know Christ & those who don't, I find it's easier to choose Jesus as the standard of what it means to be a man than the option presented by those who use themselves as the standard.

^1-4If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.  ^5-8Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.

Pole Dancing for Jesus

My wife shared a story about a Santa Cruz Bible study she was a part of discussing Christian women & pole dancing. Evidently most of the women in the group had heard of Christian women enjoying this form of "exercise" & didn't seem to think it weird or wrong (since "I" get to define what's wrong & right--right?). Below is the film & after is a post written about the subject followed by a comment on her blog, followed by my confusion.

The Pornification of Marriage

Posted on August 24, 2011 by elizabeth

So, what’s the deal with Christian women and stripper poles?
Apparently, Christian women learning to pole dance is no big deal because, you know, it’s “good exercise.”
I mean, seriously. Has pornography so infiltrated every corner of society that now even Christian women think pole dancing is a cute, fun way to “spice-up” their exercise routine?

The other day I saw a young girl proudly sporting a glittery Playboy bunny T-shirt as if it were somehow a symbol of her female empowerment. And my heart just broke. You know pornography is winning when little girls start wearing pornographic merchandise.

And that’s our fault. When adult women refuse to decry the objectification of women and instead normalize it by calling pole-dancing “good exercise,” we send the message to our daughters that pornographic behavior is OK. No wonder our little girls are confused!

As the womanizing character from the movie “Crazy, Stupid Love” said: “Men won the battle of the sexes as soon as women started doing pole dancing as exercise.”

So, where did this come from? How did pornographic ideas about sex manage to infiltrate Christianity? I have an theory about this:
It comes from pastors who preach that sex is primarily recreational.
Here’s what I mean: I’ve heard pastors preach that since the “marriage bed is undefiled” any sexual act is permissible and sanctified within marriage. In other words, as long as it happens within the context of marriage, ANYTHING goes.

By preaching that “anything goes,” a pastor unwittingly promotes pornographic ideas about sex; ie. that it should be available 24/7, that a wife should strive to present herself as a fantasy-mate, that sex is utterly detached from its life-giving, soul-creating power.

Is that what that what “the marriage bed is undefiled” really means? Because I’m not sure that verse is license for installing a stripper pole in your bedroom.
Could the marriage bed being undefiled mean that since it is undefiled, Christians ought not defile it by dragging in a bunch of pornified ideas about sex?
I think Christians should always be on guard when the “spice-up-your-marriage-advice” takes its cue from our porn-ified culture.

My guess is that many Christians have bought into the idea that the purpose of sex is primarily recreational. When sex is primarily recreational, it’s really quite easy to start justifying any lustful urge–as if the fact that it happens within marriage somehow sanctifies it.

Here’s the thing, if my husband wanted me to do a stripper-pole routine for him (which he never would), I’d say no. Why? Because the stripper pole is a symbol of female objectification and I fail to see how that changes just because we haul it into a Christian bedroom.

Sure, I want to remain beautiful and attractive for my husband but I refuse to believe that that somehow means I have to degrade myself by adhering to a standard set by strippers and prostitutes. Just because Jesus dined with prostitutes and tax-collectors doesn’t mean He started acting like them!
When pastors preach that ANYTHING goes in the marriage bed, I feel like this is an interpretation shaped by pornography and not by kingdom values. It’s a sad irony that we Christians bristle at the suggestion of letting God into our sex lives, but we gladly fling open the door to pornographic ideas about sex.

I guess I thought the general consensus among Christians was that purity within marriage was an obvious requirement. Has this changed?

from Chuck:

I work as a psychotherapist, primarily in the Christian community (but don’t call me a “christian counselor” – there’s no such thing, IMHO), and primarily with issues of sexual integrity (like porn addiction).

I completely agree with you about the pornification of marriage. In fact, I’ll even take things a bit further by saying publicly here something I’ve often said privately elsewhere…
Porn for a man is (imagined) sex with a woman who will not or cannot say “no”. There is no emotional risk involved, and no expectations on him for any kind of relationship. In short, it’s sexual violence. Porn for a woman is (again, imagined) sex with a man who will not or cannot fail her relationally. He will always be “romantic” and “make” her feel special (like anybody can actually force somebody to feel anything??) It’s not love, because there is no risk.

So what do we do in most of our “Christian” marriage conferences and seminars? (BTW, I HATE using the word Christian as an adjective – that’s why it’s in quotes – but that’s a whole other deal…) I those conferences, men are told to be more romantic, get out the candles and the soft music, send cards, make her feel special. Women are told to be more sexually available and assertive, “give him your body,” and for heaven’s sake, NEVER say “no.” In short (using my definitions above): be more like porn for each other.

How in GOD’s holy name (and I mean this prayerfully!) does that honor His image and likeness, in which we are made? How does it invite us to think about sexual union being one of the highest forms of worship that humans are capable of? “Two becoming one in the presence of God” is, IMHO, the closest we can come to experiencing, celebrating, and yes, worshipping Trinity. Our loving, relational GOD.

 My thoughts: I wish people would realize the church is here to help us all not get too weird. When the church (historical & contemporary) says, in a mature Biblical way, "that's within bounds," it's within bounds, & thankfully there are a lot of things within bounds. We aren't a cult so there are differences as to what's in bounds, but when, for the most part, the church (historical & contemporary) gives the thumbs up, we're cool; when the church says, "that's confusing, could be hurtful, & is something that generally hasn't worked out" we should listen. That said, we do live in the land of me, myself, & I, so even the idea of we over me isn't a playground reinforced idea, & so grows the fruit. Sex, in marriage or not, is at first elating & then a source of constant communication; I'm not seeing this as very helpful. 

This Ain't Ohio...

Flash mob in Santa Cruz shows some skin for a cause

By CHELSEA HAWKINS

Posted: 08/19/2011 04:33:05 PM PDT

SANTA CRUZ Sentinel - Women are baring all in the name of a good cause.
In support of breast cancer survivors and continued cancer research, women will shed their shirts at the city hall courtyard in downtown Santa Cruz. Led by Mariana Sophia Santiago, community members will participate in a flash mob from 5-7 p.m. on Sunday.

The event coincides with National Go Topless Day, a show of support for gender equality and an attempt to redefine cultural perceptions of female nudity.

Santa Cruz is one of the few cities that allows women to be publicly topless and Santiago, who organized the flash mob, is embracing such liberation. Participants will wear pasties and flaunt body art, exhibiting their nude torsos as a show of solidarity to the men and women affected by breast cancer every year. Community members of all walks of life are encouraged to come and show their support.

"I want to tap into ... the goddess in every woman," Santiago said. "Breasts are the origins of food, our first food, so there is no shame in showing oneself. There should be no shame, because there is this whole connection between womanhood, motherhood, food, [and] nourishment."

(My thoughts): Breast Cancer, Topless Day (showing your boobs will help equality with men & redefine the image of women? Men will show up, but I don't assume for the ideal of equality), Santa Cruz allows women to be topless in public (yep), goddess.

What does a church, devoted to sharing the love of Christ in Santa Cruz, look like?

This Ain't Ohio...

La Familia

A Day in the Life...

From the Orval Monastery.


Daily Rhythm:
"Show me your diary and I shall tell you who you are. The way in which a man uses his time reveals his life-style and his priorities. To what does a man give his time? For whom has he time ? In a monk's diary pride of place is given to seeking the Lord. The day is organized around those moments of gratuity, around those non-profit making hours which are the hours of prayer. It is there that one touches the price of monastic life: it foresees moments in which the monk does nothing other than take the time to live for God, the time to come together as a community of brothers and to sing together of God's love for man, the time to remain silent in the presence of the One Who gives life."

This is the challenge for all of us to follow Christ: Living out His values in day to day life; seeing Him in the day to day routines, habits, chores, & joys of life. I wish we were all able to see Him, as He is, in our daily rhythms.

How can we, as a church in Santa Cruz or other areas, live out the life of Christ, daily? Let's attempt to not make it more difficult than it really is. 

All Over the Country

I just got off a webpage about a Christian conference happening near Santa Cruz & must admit I'm kinda over church culture (it's been a slow process). Really, it's kinda gross. As I scrolled through the bios of each speaker & musician it was really weird. "So & so wrote this book & speaks (or plays) all over the country." I guess my question would be: Is that some sort of arrival point? Is it the goal of Christian leaders to write a book or song & then play "all over the country?" & this magically gives them some sort of clout to be a "main presenter?" It just seems weird.

I think this is coupled with a recent visit to a blog where the author was blasting a conference for not being Heidi Baker, because "if everyone did what she did this conference (on social justice) wouldn't even matter."  It made me sad because this girl isn't Heidi & she won't really get to be herself until she realizes that's best.

Celebrity.

I guess I'm over the "so & so; & who's who," within the faith & my opinion is that as long as we continue to teach Christians to listen to "so & so who wrote this & that & spoke here & there," we belittle the little ones who make up the brunt of the face of Christ in the streets; because they never will be celebrities & that's just fine.

I realize certain people do have fabulous things to share & therefore do travel to & fro in order to share their wisdom; however, "so & so, has spoken or played all over the country," has become a mantra for our church culture to make us believe they're something special (or maybe we're helping them believe they're special?). 

What if the speaker's bio said: "So & so, been faithful in the little things for 25yrs." 

I'm not sure how that would sound on a conference bio: My name is Sean; I just got back from my neighbors house where he showed me his birthday homebrew with 4oz of weed in it.

How do we within the church help everyone to see they are as important as Heidi? How do we within the church help our teachers present us with a bio that reflects day-to-day faith? How do we in the church learn how to appreciate simple acts of faith like going next door?

The Perils of a Godly Man

I recently opened a message from a woman I assumed I went to Highschool with. What followed was a rather interesting dialogue as I discovered I was being given a "proposal." I think we get proposals often, sometimes from simple things, & other times we get a proposal that will shipwreck who we are. I wish I always made the right choice when presented with a enticing proposal, but "very often" will have to sustain me to the finish lines as we practice the ways of Jesus in Santa Cruz. 

Below is the actual dialogue between my suitor & I via Facebook:
--You look good in your profile picture, are you still single? Smile!!!!
--What's up Nancy. Thanks for the compliment. I've been married for 11 years & have 3 incredible kids. I hope you're doing well. Blessings.
--Yes, i am doing good and you?
--We're doing great. We live in Santa Cruz & are a part of a really cool faith community here following Jesus. What have you been up to?
--Nothing much just wish we could get to know each other and see how it goes, how are your kids doing as well?
--How do we know each other Nancy?
--well, maybe we can exchange email
--Hey Nancy I don't know if you caught on or not, but I'm a happily married man. Too, I have three kids. What would it have been like for your dad to accept some invitation from another woman? What would that have done to your life? Is that what you'd like to do to my family?

Maybe she's still thinking about my questions...