Pole Dancing for Jesus

My wife shared a story about a Santa Cruz Bible study she was a part of discussing Christian women & pole dancing. Evidently most of the women in the group had heard of Christian women enjoying this form of "exercise" & didn't seem to think it weird or wrong (since "I" get to define what's wrong & right--right?). Below is the film & after is a post written about the subject followed by a comment on her blog, followed by my confusion.

The Pornification of Marriage

Posted on August 24, 2011 by elizabeth

So, what’s the deal with Christian women and stripper poles?
Apparently, Christian women learning to pole dance is no big deal because, you know, it’s “good exercise.”
I mean, seriously. Has pornography so infiltrated every corner of society that now even Christian women think pole dancing is a cute, fun way to “spice-up” their exercise routine?

The other day I saw a young girl proudly sporting a glittery Playboy bunny T-shirt as if it were somehow a symbol of her female empowerment. And my heart just broke. You know pornography is winning when little girls start wearing pornographic merchandise.

And that’s our fault. When adult women refuse to decry the objectification of women and instead normalize it by calling pole-dancing “good exercise,” we send the message to our daughters that pornographic behavior is OK. No wonder our little girls are confused!

As the womanizing character from the movie “Crazy, Stupid Love” said: “Men won the battle of the sexes as soon as women started doing pole dancing as exercise.”

So, where did this come from? How did pornographic ideas about sex manage to infiltrate Christianity? I have an theory about this:
It comes from pastors who preach that sex is primarily recreational.
Here’s what I mean: I’ve heard pastors preach that since the “marriage bed is undefiled” any sexual act is permissible and sanctified within marriage. In other words, as long as it happens within the context of marriage, ANYTHING goes.

By preaching that “anything goes,” a pastor unwittingly promotes pornographic ideas about sex; ie. that it should be available 24/7, that a wife should strive to present herself as a fantasy-mate, that sex is utterly detached from its life-giving, soul-creating power.

Is that what that what “the marriage bed is undefiled” really means? Because I’m not sure that verse is license for installing a stripper pole in your bedroom.
Could the marriage bed being undefiled mean that since it is undefiled, Christians ought not defile it by dragging in a bunch of pornified ideas about sex?
I think Christians should always be on guard when the “spice-up-your-marriage-advice” takes its cue from our porn-ified culture.

My guess is that many Christians have bought into the idea that the purpose of sex is primarily recreational. When sex is primarily recreational, it’s really quite easy to start justifying any lustful urge–as if the fact that it happens within marriage somehow sanctifies it.

Here’s the thing, if my husband wanted me to do a stripper-pole routine for him (which he never would), I’d say no. Why? Because the stripper pole is a symbol of female objectification and I fail to see how that changes just because we haul it into a Christian bedroom.

Sure, I want to remain beautiful and attractive for my husband but I refuse to believe that that somehow means I have to degrade myself by adhering to a standard set by strippers and prostitutes. Just because Jesus dined with prostitutes and tax-collectors doesn’t mean He started acting like them!
When pastors preach that ANYTHING goes in the marriage bed, I feel like this is an interpretation shaped by pornography and not by kingdom values. It’s a sad irony that we Christians bristle at the suggestion of letting God into our sex lives, but we gladly fling open the door to pornographic ideas about sex.

I guess I thought the general consensus among Christians was that purity within marriage was an obvious requirement. Has this changed?

from Chuck:

I work as a psychotherapist, primarily in the Christian community (but don’t call me a “christian counselor” – there’s no such thing, IMHO), and primarily with issues of sexual integrity (like porn addiction).

I completely agree with you about the pornification of marriage. In fact, I’ll even take things a bit further by saying publicly here something I’ve often said privately elsewhere…
Porn for a man is (imagined) sex with a woman who will not or cannot say “no”. There is no emotional risk involved, and no expectations on him for any kind of relationship. In short, it’s sexual violence. Porn for a woman is (again, imagined) sex with a man who will not or cannot fail her relationally. He will always be “romantic” and “make” her feel special (like anybody can actually force somebody to feel anything??) It’s not love, because there is no risk.

So what do we do in most of our “Christian” marriage conferences and seminars? (BTW, I HATE using the word Christian as an adjective – that’s why it’s in quotes – but that’s a whole other deal…) I those conferences, men are told to be more romantic, get out the candles and the soft music, send cards, make her feel special. Women are told to be more sexually available and assertive, “give him your body,” and for heaven’s sake, NEVER say “no.” In short (using my definitions above): be more like porn for each other.

How in GOD’s holy name (and I mean this prayerfully!) does that honor His image and likeness, in which we are made? How does it invite us to think about sexual union being one of the highest forms of worship that humans are capable of? “Two becoming one in the presence of God” is, IMHO, the closest we can come to experiencing, celebrating, and yes, worshipping Trinity. Our loving, relational GOD.

 My thoughts: I wish people would realize the church is here to help us all not get too weird. When the church (historical & contemporary) says, in a mature Biblical way, "that's within bounds," it's within bounds, & thankfully there are a lot of things within bounds. We aren't a cult so there are differences as to what's in bounds, but when, for the most part, the church (historical & contemporary) gives the thumbs up, we're cool; when the church says, "that's confusing, could be hurtful, & is something that generally hasn't worked out" we should listen. That said, we do live in the land of me, myself, & I, so even the idea of we over me isn't a playground reinforced idea, & so grows the fruit. Sex, in marriage or not, is at first elating & then a source of constant communication; I'm not seeing this as very helpful.